7/21/14, Day, 13, 957: Cino’s Ring
This day is so named for the 2014 New York Innovative Theatre Awards, which I blogged about for Flux over here. Most of my thoughts on the night are there, but on a more personal note, I’ve been noticing a growing divide between my attitude towards awards and reviews as a producer versus as an artist. As a producer, I love their capacity to shine a light on good work; but as an artist…
In the past, I tried to deal with the pain of bad reviews by directly engaging with them, responding to both good and bad over on the Flux blog. While some folks responded positively to those actions, it took way too much out of me as an artist to be sustainable. I internalized the bad reviews far more deeply because they confirmed my worst suspicions: that I’m no good at any of this, and that I’m wasting people’s time. While I recognize those feelings as childish and selfish, that recognition doesn’t dull the pain, and the pain had grown over time to such a degree that it had become difficult for me to enjoy any process (which is crazy, because what’s more fun than making theatre?)
I’ve written here about the ways in which I’ve pulled myself out of that, but as with all progress, it’s easy to slip back, and award ceremonies are treacherously slippery. So while as a producer, I celebrate awards and reviews; as an artist, I see them as a drug that leads me to value things that don’t actually make me happy. It helps to know I’m not alone in this odd dance that artists (and especially artist/producers) do.
Technique never stands still: it only advances or retreats…
Writing: 109 out of 126 days (Faust)
Spanish: 97 out of 126 days
Music: 12 out of 31 days
I am not counting the days that I was on vacation, though I did write during that time period.
What small things did I do yesterday to help build the Honeycomb?
(And what does it mean to “Help build the honeycomb?”)
- Asked the Obama administration to resolve the water crisis in Detroit;
- Signed a petition for companies to pull out from activities that contribute to the oppression of the Palestinian people;
- Cooked local/CSA/organic vegetarian food and added no direct waste;
- As the trial or her killer begins, I shared this image in support for justice for Renisha McBride.
- For TCG, participated in a great discussion about next steps for the Diversity & Inclusion Initiative.